An ode to fictional scenarios I would not likely survive // impossible missions feat. Rope. lots of rope.

While watching movies do you ever do things the characters are doing just to see if you could be part of the story, too? Things---within reason, and not things one shouldn't try at home---like simple tasks such as holding ones breath whenever the characters on screen have to hold their breath underwater?

(I would not survive being a Pirate in the Caribbean because it is SO DANG LONG at times).

Or do you ever contemplate how you could do the same things the characters are doing without any hesitations or experience required? I could walk across that rickety bridge if I came across it! I could dance along a yellow brick road to the capital city! I could jump off that cliff and safely into the water below!

Then there are the things that one realizes one can't do. 

It's one thing if monsters from space are coming to get you or you need to be a pro at archery to hit the target or have a magical power to save a kingdom. Not everyone deals with that. But there seems to be a certain level of things that all protagonists are expected to be able to deal with.

And one of those things is rope.

(Not that Rope. To all of you who I keep promising I'll write an actual post on Rope (1948), I apologize for the clickbait title. I just wanted to have Jimmy Stewart in my post.)

Most action/adventure protagonists seem to be able to hold on to a rope so they don't fall off a cliff, or to be able to climb a rope to get to where then need to be, or to pull on a rope and save other people.

Have you guys ever really noticed how many times rope is used in movies or books as just the thing people need? Have any of you thought about how convenient it is that all these characters are so strong??

(To be fair, Samwise Gamgee bemoans his lack of rope so I guess he knows what's up.)

Not me. I have no arm strength whatsoever. Or hand strength.

Maybe that's the problem.
(that's not quite true, though--I can nearly do a push-up, now!)

I like some more realistic failings in my characters. For example, in The Lego Ninjago Movie (2017),  everyone just expects that the good guys can throw and catch things but Lloyd can't because he never had a dad to play catch with (such a good backstory/conflict). And it comes up time and again so there's actually a scene where he's learning how to throw (Ack I love this movie)

I would need some extensive rope training if I were to be a protagonist. I don't have much hope for it because I have tried. Believe me. (I actually lived out that one scene in Mirror Mirror where people were cheering for me and it got less enthusiastic the more people saw that I can't hold on to ropes to save my life. Or anyone else's.)

 oh, if it's rope I am DEFINITELY letting go. I just can't! hold! on!

This is an appreciation post that I am not a main character or side character in a story as I would have plunged to my death from mishandling rope by now.

Disclaimer: This post isn't meant to be a downer at all! Just some humor as I'm very aware of my physical limitations. Again, appreciation that I live a very safe life!

I just watched Mission: Impossible (1996) recently which, I actually feel like I could've pulled off pretty well! I'm taller than Tom Cruise so maybe I wouldn't fit into the vents, but I don't think it would be that hard. As long as I'm strapped in, I could totally do that. I just couldn't do Krieger's job of holding the rope...

Presenting: Movies/TV shows/books with ridiculously hard rope scenes I should not try at home (or ever), and my chance of surviving them.

Dr. Who: Season 1 (Ninth Doctor season), episode 9: "The Empty Child"

Chance of survival: low

Aka the episdoe where Rose is hanging above London FOR EVER.

See that blimp? See that line coming from the blimp? See that shape at the end? That's Rose. And she's like that for AgEs. 

I haven't watched a ton of Dr. Who so I don't know if there are future (past? present?) scenarios that would be hard for me, but I do know that this was one of the first times where I consciously thought "I'd never survive that."

On one hand, I would've slipped off the rope before I got too far from the ground so I would've been fine, but if I'd somehow been determined enough to hold on for 5 seconds, I would've been dead.

Waistcoats and Weaponry by Gail Carriger 

Chance of survival: medium

Where in one scene Sophronia is just literally HANGING OUT forever off the top of an airship after an incident with a vampire has left her stranded and her friends even leave because she's so okay. Everything Sophronia does would be a challenge for me in this series, but that one particular moment right in the first chapter would be a death wish if I attempted it.

Technically her gadget is hanging from her wrist so she's got a bit of a safety net there where she's not going to let go and fall, but not enough for me to be able to be efficient in this scenario. Not enough for be to be able to CLIMB to the pilot's bubble much less just climb around the airship all the time. 

In a way it's kind of like how Spider-Man is attached to his "ropes" (webs), right? Or is he? Because how does he let go, then?

Actually, I'm not sure how that works. Let's move on to another bug-themed superhero example. 

There's a little loop for Ladybug to hold onto while she swings her yoyo around, so I probably wouldn't let go of it, but I'm still not convinced I would survive the swinging from building to building part. Yes, technically, if you have a Miraculous then you have super-abilities to go with it, but I still have a feeling I'll be like Ladybug in that one episode ("Reverser") where she loses her yoyo abilities.

The Princess Bride (1987): 

Chance of survival: medium

"Throw me the rope" (nevermind, the no-arm-strength problem means I couldn't climb with or without the rope)

No way.

Nope.

Absolutely not.

I guess I'm getting stuck at the bottom of the Cliffs of Insanity. I usually play the role of Fezzik (aka the sidekick) in my day-to-day life, but even though I can swim more than just dog-paddle, he's got me beat here.

This is my attitude if the options are "use the rope" or "die." Maybe that's a false dichotomy, though...

But Chloe, I thought you said mortality (chance of survival) was medium? That's because it depends on who I am. If I have the role of Fezzik or Westley, no chance. But if I'm Buttercup or Vizzini and get others to carry me up a cliff and pull me out of the sand...my chances are looking better. I was told once that I looked like Buttercup so maybe I should lean into this.

Maybe it's fighting against gravity that's so hard for me. I can totally roll with anything where gravity is helping me.

Yeah, I think I would survive that.

Kiki's Delivery Service (1989): 

Chance of survival: low

I LOVE Ghibli but I don't like this movie. Maybe because of this scene as in the back of my mind I know I would die immediately.

Huh, this is the second example to have a blimp. Maybe I should just avoid blimps in my adventuring.

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977): 

Chance of survival: high

This is technically string, but I would've let the balloon go before hanging from it. So in this case I would be safer than Pooh because I wouldn't bother the bees in the first place.

I could also always just do Christopher Robin's job of pretending that there is rain.

I'm realizing this out of context is probably wild.

Tarzan (1999)

Chance of survival: low 

Nope. I wouldn't even make it far enough to hug the vine.

He's not even looking as he grabs it! What! Even! I could never!

I'm not becoming the next Jane anytime soon because it may not be a deadly vine to other people but it is to me because I can't climb. 

One time I was in a psych class where we did things outside of our comfort zone and using a rope swing to swing and drop into a pool of water was one of our activities. Everyone else tried it and tried to encourage me but I just happily said I'd take videos of eveyrone else instead. Not because it's outside my comfort zone, it looks fun, I just know for a fact that I would die because I cannot hold a rope for more than 2 seconds. I have been banned from rope tows at ski resorts.

So deciding to just avoid at all costs is probably a good decision for me.

At least if I can't hold onto a vine to start with, I won't get wrapped up with one.

It's amazing these two survive everything. So if they can do it, maybe there's hope for me.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996): 

Chance of survival: low

A guy like Quasimodo is very different than a gal like me because I could not swing and save anybody. I would fall to the flames.

And I wouldn't be the only one . 

I can't find an image, but technically I don't think he's swinging in on a rope, I think it's a chain? But still, the point stands: chains are just as bad as ropes for me. There's the additional fear that if I stick my fingers between the links they'll get stuck until I'm hanging over a chasm and then I'll fall out.

If I was in charge of this rescue I would just add myself to the people who needed to be rescued.

Quasimodo being so strong makes sense when he does this all day. Maybe I need to go work the bells somewhere.

My delusional self thinks I could slide down parapets just fine, though.

I think I could do something with chains if I am hooked into them à la Padme in Attack of the Clones (2002), as I'm not going to fall by dropping the chain. Heights aren't a problem for me, my inability to grip anything is.

So I would not pick the lock and therefore be stranded on top and therefore die. Huh...maybe that's not the best either.

Tangled (2010): 

Chance of survival: low

Look at Rapunzel! She's beauty! She's grace! She'll swing all over the place!

Meanwhile, me:

Except I wouldn't even make it that far. This one isn't rope but it's making rope look like a benefit actually, because if I can't hold on to hemp then I certainly can't hold onto glossy hair.

Up (2009): 

Chance of survival: medium

Russell is trying to climb the hose here and is struggling which means I finally have a character I can relate to. I actually have a decent chance of surviving this because the nozzle on the end means I wouldn't slip off, I'd just be in stasis, neither climbing nor falling. Although, I weigh more than a 10 year-old, so the hose may crack and break. But, like Russell, none of that helps get me up to Mr. Fredrikson's house.

I just hope I don't encounter a blimp anytime soon...

Other people's mortality rates: ....high if I'm in charge of holding the hose.

(Seriously, guys, this is the third time I've come up with a blimp example and I wasn't even trying. If the story of the Hindenburg wasn't enough to keep me away from blimps, these case studies will definitely do the job. Avoid them if you're not good with rope).

Mary Poppins Returns (2018)

Chance of survival: high

Another balloon example...and now that I think about it, blimps are a type of balloon...

I was one of those kids who needs the balloon to be tied around my wrist because I would just accidentally let go. And I know it's magic and all so I'm probably not going to die, I'm just going to be Weatherall Wilkins. I guess I would choose the wrong balloon. But hey, if I can be bicycle guy and not have to hold it myself, then I'm good!

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Bad Beginning:

Chance of survival (book): low

Chance of survival (tv show): high

Miss you, Tim Curry </3

In the book Violet climbs a tower with a grappling hook which is very resourceful of her but also nope, I couldn't do it. She was strong from all that wood chopping and despite my also having chopped a little bit of wood in my lifetime, I would grab the rope and still die immediately and Count Olaf would win.

However! The tv show gives me a chance to live! Violent just has a little bit of a different invention.

No rope? Being strapped in? BEAUTIFUL. I need this for all these rope scenarios. 

These are the adaption changes that I am looking for in two works of art, so let's end on that high note.

What do I bring do an adventure? Can I swim or tread water? Check. 

Walk for miles? Check. 

Balance on beams? Check. 

Maybe not like that...

Hold on to rope? Absolutely not. I'm in awe of all these protagonists who are so capable when it comes to cables of all shapes and sizes.

I'm not in awe of you guys. Put the rope away, NOW, you psychopaths.

(I also have some trauma from rope, but in a fictional sense not a physical sense. From His Dark Materials, book 2, The Subtle Knife. It's not the knife that freaks me out, it's the rope. IYKYK.)

(Strangely enough, I'm not traumatized from the movie Rope (1948) at all, though. In fact, it hypes me up. In a cinematic masterpiece way and not a let's go murder people way, fyi.)

That's enough death-defying exploits for one day, so tell me what you guys think! How do you all think you would do in these circumstances? How good are you at being able to hold on to rope? What special skills do you have that would help you in adventures? Do you have a favorite training montage where a character gets better at a skill? Have you seen any of these movies? Have you ever ridden in a blimp?

Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Chloe the MovieCritic

The "Atlantis: The Lost Empire" Book Tag // a dive into the characters and similarities to Stargate (1994)

Hello and good tidings, all you explorers of stories!

This month the movie Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001) turned 25 years old! And when it comes to this movie, I am a HUGE fan. Let's see, it has:

• Blue being the main design color for the Atlanteans (which I approve of heartily) 
• An original story for Disney in the style of Jules Vernes's work (only maybe copied from something else...stay tuned for my theory on that.)
• One of the best examples of a large cast of characters being done right where they all have their unique personalities and skills to contribute which makes each memorable.
• A self-awareness of the explorer/white savior dynamic that other films (*cough* The Road to El Dorado *cough*) are lacking, and an examination of what it means to interact with other cultures (which they could do with this fictional world in ways that are not disrespectful!) 
• Great quotes and comic relief.

Not to say it doesn't have its fair share issues (and surprises, such as one of the highest body counts in a Disney movie?), but it navigates a new territory in story, characters, and themes that Disney had not explored before. 

All that's to say, it's a delight. And I'm not the only one who thinks so, as Sally Silverscreen at 18 Cinema Lane put together a book tag to celebrate that this movie has been around for a quarter of a century (just multiply that by 340 and we get Kida's age). I'm filling it out today to join in the celebration.

Remember that excellent huge cast of characters I mentioned earlier? Each of the questions based on one of the characters! Because of that, there are SPOILERS for the movie. This movie is super nostalgic for me so I wouldn't recommend revealing the twists to yourself if you haven't seen it.

Questions:

Milo Thatch: 

Throughout the film, Milo never gives up on finding Atlantis, even when he originally faced scrutiny from the Smithsonian Institute’s board of directors. What book series do you see yourself not giving up on?: 

I didn't give up on The Queen's Thief series - by Megan Whalen Turner even though I was super tempted a time or two. But it paid off because the last book was my favorite!

As far as a series that I am still in the midst of reading go, the sequels in the Emily series - by L. M. Montgomery are #1 on my Goodreads list. I read the first book, Emily of New Moon (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4), in 2019 and keep meaning to continue the series. It hasn't happened in the last 7 years but that doesn't mean my resolve is crumbling at all!

Another one would be to read all of Agatha Christie's books. I only read a Hercule Poirot book every few years people might have thought that I've given up, but that's the not the case at all. I'm just savoring them!

Kidagakash "Kida" Nedakh:

While recounting the state of Atlantis, Kida says, “We [Atlanteans] are like a stone the ocean beats against. With each passing year a little more of us is worn away.” Which book would you save from becoming lost to time?:

The Kite Runner - by Khalid Hosseini. This is a hard, hard book. It deals with very horrific things and dark circumstances but has stuck with me even 5 years after I read it. Due to some of the subject material it has been challenged to be a banned book so I would like to save it from being lost in time in that sense. There have been criticisms that certain groups are portrayed in an overly negative light which I have no place to speak about, but aside, it is one of the most stunning works I've ever read and really opened my eyes to perspectives so vastly different from mine.

Audrey: 

As a gifted mechanic, Audrey is tasked with making sure the Ulysses submarine and the team’s vehicles run smoothly throughout the expedition. What book had a pace you thought ran smoothly?: 

Etiquette & Espionage - by Gail Carriger is not your typical "protagonist goes to a new school" book. It's cheeky and fun and has lots of mysteries and lessons for Sophronia to complete. I gobbled it up so quickly and am already working on the second book. And as a bonus that speaks to Audrey's character, there are lots of mechanical goodies as it fits in the steampunk genre.

Also, Audrey is one of my favorite characters EVER and I feel like I forget about her and need to apologize.

Vinny: 

One of Vinny’s most memorable lines is “Hey look, I made a bridge” after creating a pathway using dynamite. What literary worlds would you like to see bridged together?: 

LOVE this question (and a moment to do with "nitroglycerin" takes the cake for my favorite line of the whole film). 

My combination is not going to make a lot of sense, but I just really, really, really want more Lemony Snicket books. Because I've basically read all of them and I want more. Another book series that really reminds me of those books is The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place - by Maryrose Wood. Lemony Snicket's world is here on earth, but has a timeless quality because no reference to the actual timeframe is made. There are cars and skyscrapers and submarines and movie theaters but it could really be anytime post-1960s? Meanwhile, Miss Penelope Lumley and co. are firmly in Victorian London. 

To combine this world let's say Miss Lumley and the Incorrigibles (and Simon Harley Dickenson) somehow are transported to the future and it's up to Lemony and crew (the cast from the All the Wrong Questions series) to get them back. Because I think it would be cute to see Jake cooking food to coax Alexander, Beowolf, and Cassiopeia to eat. And Penelope being fascinated by Pip and Squeak and their driving. And Moxie trying to get interviews which only Simon takes to heart because he's used to the press as an actor. And meanwhile Lemony is the only one doing any work at the Black Cat Cafe to try to get them home.

OH and each of the characters of the respective worlds being confused about the relationship so they think Penelope is somehow related so they call her Miss Lemony instead of Miss Lumley. 

It would just be fun and cleverness would abound.

Doctor Joshua Sweet: 

According to Disney Wiki, Doctor Sweet was the first character to show Milo kindness during the Atlantis expedition. Which book character would you give kindness to?:

Owen from Becoming Naomi Leon - by Pam Muñoz Ryan. Owen is ADORABLE and PRECIOUS and legit the sweetest kid in the universe but people can be mean to him because he's a FLK (funny looking kid) due to his limp. He's so good natured he doesn't hold the teasing against anyone but that doesn't mean he should have to endure it. I just want to get him ice cream every day and help him practice riding his bike.

And if I'm hanging out with Owen that means I'll be with Naomi, too! I'd tell her she's awesome and brave and I would gush over her soap carvings.

Gaetan "Mole" Molière: 

When Milo meets Mole, he discovers Mole’s dirt collection, with each particle of dirt coming from different parts of the world. If you could collect dirt from a book’s world, where would you go?:

In Between Jobs - by W. R. Gringell there are three worlds: the main world we live in, Behind (where fae, vampires, and many other magical creatures are), and Between (which is how the worlds are bridged). Things from Between are more illusions than anything else. You're not supposed to take things from Between but that doesn't stop Pet and even though I'm a rule follower I would want to take some to see what it could later turn into.

Cookie: 

On Cookie’s chest is a tattoo of “all 38 states.” Which book would you choose out of the states represented in Cookie’s tattoo?:

From the screenshots I can find of him showing off his tattoo it's hard to see what's there, but it looks like at least: Wisconsin, West Virginia, Florida, and Texas? Those are the distinguishable shapes, then the rest of them are a bit blurred together so I'm not sure where the divisors are.

The Last Bus to Wisdom - by Ivan Doig revolves around Montana, but there's also a sizable bit where our main character Donal is on the bus to Wisconsin then when he gets there it's not how he expected it would be.

Mrs. Packard: 

According to Disney Wiki, “Packard is hardly involved during the journey to Atlantis” yet as the Officer of Communications, Mrs. Packard plays a vital role in the Atlantis expedition. Which underrated book character do you wish received more recognition?:

In The Chronicles of Narnia, the Pevensie children and Eustace and Aslan and Caspian are all very well known characters. But as the series goes on even more are introduced yet aren't as talked about as much. For example, Digory and Polly from The Magician's Nephew. I LOVE Polly. I think she's so plucky and down for anything and gets annoyed at Digory at all the right instances. Digory is also a dear. Because it's the 6th book in the series (fight me) maybe people don't get around to it and so these two are just unknown instead of underrated. Maybe with Greta Gerwig's version coming out soon they'll get some more love!

Meanwhile, as far as a character getting more recognition from the author and therefore more "screen/page time" in a book, Margaret's brother in North & South - by Elisabeth Gaskell. His role is so brief that I don't even remember his name (should we guess John? That seems typical of the period). He's only there for a couple of chapters (if that!) and serves the plot point to introduce some misunderstandings and I understand why he can't stick around but I kind of wish he could've been there for Margaret for a little longer because she's going through a time where she really needs some support. Because I'm not there to comfort my girl!

Preston B. Whitmore: 

Because of his funding, Mr. Whitmore is the reason why the Atlantis expedition happens in the first place. If you possessed a large sum of money, what book related purpose would you use the money for?:

Textbooks for students are such a tremendous expense so I would like to set up a way that they could get them for cheaper! With some subjects that are evolving, after a few years textbooks aren't even the most current knowledge so it's painful to buy them for hundreds of dollars when they can't be resold.

(Also, was it just me or did anyone else think Cookie and Mr. Whitmore were the same person for the longest time?  It was only a few years ago that I watched it and realized they were COMPLETELY different characters. They both just seemed like old white guys to me? The rest of the cast are so diverse in race and drawing style and I just associated those two as the same person.)

Kashekim Nedakh and the Queen of Atlantis: 

         

Kashekim and the Queen of Atlantis play important roles in Kida’s story, despite spending most of the movie apart. Which book couple do you wish had gotten to spend more time together?:

I feel like I bring this book up in every tag that I do, but it's gotta be All the Crooked Saints - by Maggie Steifvater. I'm in a particularly celebratory mood when it comes to this book because I finally got my younger sister to read it and then she got one of her friends to read it, too! Daniel and Marisita spend most of the book separated and we hear retroactively about some of the time they'd spent together but I want to see those scenes play out.

This is a perfect book, though, so nothing needs to be changed. I can just imagine it (and maybe make some fan art...).

Helga: 

As one of the villains, Helga is not intended to be a likable character. In your opinion, what book possesses an unlikable female character?:

Leda Fox-Cotton in I Capture the Castle - by Dodie Smith. She's not in it that much but her antagonistic role serves to show what a person looks like who only uses others for themselves (the lesson that Cassandra is learning). She does it well and I really, really, REALLY dislike her for it. Poor Stephen.

Commander Rourke:

In Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Rourke desired to locate a book called the Shepherd’s Journal. Once found, he removes one of the pages from the Shepherd’s Journal in an effort to use that page for bad intentions. Which book would you not want to see fall into a fictional villain’s hands?:

The Count of Monte Cristo - by Alexandre Dumas. Because it's a honking big book and if a villain wanted to use it as a blunt weapon they surely could. 

It's also about revenge and if you don't get through all 1200+ pages you might think that it is encouraging it. I even stalled out part way through, so I imagine a fictional villain who's really busy might not put the effort into finishing it and might be encouraged to poison people and whatnot in imitation of Edmond.

Thanks to Sally for putting those questions together! If you're a fan of Atlantis, feel free to fill it out yourself! For those of you who have seen this (which should be all of you if you made it past my spoiler warning), do any of you remember the sequel? 

I low-key loved the 2nd one growing up. Do I remember the plot? No. Do I remember that it gave me nightmares? Yes. Is it still super nostalgic? Absolutely. All I remember is that they go to a bunch of other climates like a desert and a blizzard and lava? I think I have both films on VHS that I should dig out and coax my player into working. (Editor Chloe here, turns out I don't have the sequel, so it's probably lost to time!)

I'm not sure if the sequel even has continuity or a resemblance to the original, but last year I found another movie that I think is the prototype or inspiration for Disney's work. Do you remember how earlier I said it was maybe copied from something else? My theory is it was inspired by Stargate (1994).

This movie came out 7 years before the animated adventure, but the entire time watching it I kept making connections between the two. Especially through the character archetypes and dynamics. I've only seen Stargate the once while Atlantis has been dozens of times, so I won't go into a huge analysis, just some images to demonstrate my point.

Both are action/adventures films where a group sets out to explore a far away lost culture where they discover new technologies and that the culture isn't lost at all but still alive.

Both promotional posters have pyramids/triangles and beams.

Our protagonist is sandy-blond nerd with round glasses who is the only one who knows the forgotten language.

Army green and ulterior motives? (these characters do veer in different directions but both of strong chins)

Benefactors who give the linguist the benefit of the doubt. (remember how I apparently associate old white men? I guess I associate anyone with white hair who's not an Atlantean.)

Names starting with the same letter aside, it's up to them to protect their people.

Kida is a more developed character than Sha'uri, but they both have conflicts with their fathers about trying something new instead of sticking to the way it has always been done.

sooooooo...what do you guys think?

Do you see the similarities between Stargate and Atlantis: The Lost Empire? Stargate branched off into a TV show and other movies so the first film is most likely where the similarities end, but maybe Atlantis's sequel took notes from those, too!

Do you have an Atlantis character you relate to the most? What worlds would you branch together? Any other beloved direct-to-video sequels you love? Thanks for reading!

Chloe the MovieCritic

Chloe out.