An ode to fictional scenarios I would not likely survive // impossible missions feat. Rope. lots of rope.

While watching movies do you ever do things the characters are doing just to see if you could be part of the story, too? Things---within reason, and not things one shouldn't try at home---like simple tasks such as holding ones breath whenever the characters on screen have to hold their breath underwater?

(I would not survive being a Pirate in the Caribbean because it is SO DANG LONG at times).

Or do you ever contemplate how you could do the same things the characters are doing without any hesitations or experience required? I could walk across that rickety bridge if I came across it! I could dance along a yellow brick road to the capital city! I could jump off that cliff and safely into the water below!

Then there are the things that one realizes one can't do. 

It's one thing if monsters from space are coming to get you or you need to be a pro at archery to hit the target or have a magical power to save a kingdom. Not everyone deals with that. But there seems to be a certain level of things that all protagonists are expected to be able to deal with.

And one of those things is rope.

(Not that Rope. To all of you who I keep promising I'll write an actual post on Rope (1948), I apologize for the clickbait title. I just wanted to have Jimmy Stewart in my post.)

Most action/adventure protagonists seem to be able to hold on to a rope so they don't fall off a cliff, or to be able to climb a rope to get to where then need to be, or to pull on a rope and save other people.

Have you guys ever really noticed how many times rope is used in movies or books as just the thing people need? Have any of you thought about how convenient it is that all these characters are so strong??

(To be fair, Samwise Gamgee bemoans his lack of rope so I guess he knows what's up.)

Not me. I have no arm strength whatsoever. Or hand strength.

Maybe that's the problem.
(that's not quite true, though--I can nearly do a push-up, now!)

I like some more realistic failings in my characters. For example, in The Lego Ninjago Movie (2017),  everyone just expects that the good guys can throw and catch things but Lloyd can't because he never had a dad to play catch with (such a good backstory/conflict). And it comes up time and again so there's actually a scene where he's learning how to throw (Ack I love this movie)

I would need some extensive rope training if I were to be a protagonist. I don't have much hope for it because I have tried. Believe me. (I actually lived out that one scene in Mirror Mirror where people were cheering for me and it got less enthusiastic the more people saw that I can't hold on to ropes to save my life. Or anyone else's.)

 oh, if it's rope I am DEFINITELY letting go. I just can't! hold! on!

This is an appreciation post that I am not a main character or side character in a story as I would have plunged to my death from mishandling rope by now.

Disclaimer: This post isn't meant to be a downer at all! Just some humor as I'm very aware of my physical limitations. Again, appreciation that I live a very safe life!

I just watched Mission: Impossible (1996) recently which, I actually feel like I could've pulled off pretty well! I'm taller than Tom Cruise so maybe I wouldn't fit into the vents, but I don't think it would be that hard. As long as I'm strapped in, I could totally do that. I just couldn't do Krieger's job of holding the rope...

Presenting: Movies/TV shows/books with ridiculously hard rope scenes I should not try at home (or ever), and my chance of surviving them.

Dr. Who: Season 1 (Ninth Doctor season), episode 9: "The Empty Child"

Chance of survival: low

Aka the episdoe where Rose is hanging above London FOR EVER.

See that blimp? See that line coming from the blimp? See that shape at the end? That's Rose. And she's like that for AgEs. 

I haven't watched a ton of Dr. Who so I don't know if there are future (past? present?) scenarios that would be hard for me, but I do know that this was one of the first times where I consciously thought "I'd never survive that."

On one hand, I would've slipped off the rope before I got too far from the ground so I would've been fine, but if I'd somehow been determined enough to hold on for 5 seconds, I would've been dead.

Waistcoats and Weaponry by Gail Carriger 

Chance of survival: medium

Where in one scene Sophronia is just literally HANGING OUT forever off the top of an airship after an incident with a vampire has left her stranded and her friends even leave because she's so okay. Everything Sophronia does would be a challenge for me in this series, but that one particular moment right in the first chapter would be a death wish if I attempted it.

Technically her gadget is hanging from her wrist so she's got a bit of a safety net there where she's not going to let go and fall, but not enough for me to be able to be efficient in this scenario. Not enough for be to be able to CLIMB to the pilot's bubble much less just climb around the airship all the time. 

In a way it's kind of like how Spider-Man is attached to his "ropes" (webs), right? Or is he? Because how does he let go, then?

Actually, I'm not sure how that works. Let's move on to another bug-themed superhero example. 

There's a little loop for Ladybug to hold onto while she swings her yoyo around, so I probably wouldn't let go of it, but I'm still not convinced I would survive the swinging from building to building part. Yes, technically, if you have a Miraculous then you have super-abilities to go with it, but I still have a feeling I'll be like Ladybug in that one episode ("Reverser") where she loses her yoyo abilities.

The Princess Bride (1987): 

Chance of survival: medium

"Throw me the rope" (nevermind, the no-arm-strength problem means I couldn't climb with or without the rope)

No way.

Nope.

Absolutely not.

I guess I'm getting stuck at the bottom of the Cliffs of Insanity. I usually play the role of Fezzik (aka the sidekick) in my day-to-day life, but even though I can swim more than just dog-paddle, he's got me beat here.

This is my attitude if the options are "use the rope" or "die." Maybe that's a false dichotomy, though...

But Chloe, I thought you said mortality (chance of survival) was medium? That's because it depends on who I am. If I have the role of Fezzik or Westley, no chance. But if I'm Buttercup or Vizzini and get others to carry me up a cliff and pull me out of the sand...my chances are looking better. I was told once that I looked like Buttercup so maybe I should lean into this.

Maybe it's fighting against gravity that's so hard for me. I can totally roll with anything where gravity is helping me.

Yeah, I think I would survive that.

Kiki's Delivery Service (1989): 

Chance of survival: low

I LOVE Ghibli but I don't like this movie. Maybe because of this scene as in the back of my mind I know I would die immediately.

Huh, this is the second example to have a blimp. Maybe I should just avoid blimps in my adventuring.

The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977): 

Chance of survival: high

This is technically string, but I would've let the balloon go before hanging from it. So in this case I would be safer than Pooh because I wouldn't bother the bees in the first place.

I could also always just do Christopher Robin's job of pretending that there is rain.

I'm realizing this out of context is probably wild.

Tarzan (1999)

Chance of survival: low 

Nope. I wouldn't even make it far enough to hug the vine.

He's not even looking as he grabs it! What! Even! I could never!

I'm not becoming the next Jane anytime soon because it may not be a deadly vine to other people but it is to me because I can't climb. 

One time I was in a psych class where we did things outside of our comfort zone and using a rope swing to swing and drop into a pool of water was one of our activities. Everyone else tried it and tried to encourage me but I just happily said I'd take videos of eveyrone else instead. Not because it's outside my comfort zone, it looks fun, I just know for a fact that I would die because I cannot hold a rope for more than 2 seconds. I have been banned from rope tows at ski resorts.

So deciding to just avoid at all costs is probably a good decision for me.

At least if I can't hold onto a vine to start with, I won't get wrapped up with one.

It's amazing these two survive everything. So if they can do it, maybe there's hope for me.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996): 

Chance of survival: low

A guy like Quasimodo is very different than a gal like me because I could not swing and save anybody. I would fall to the flames.

And I wouldn't be the only one . 

I can't find an image, but technically I don't think he's swinging in on a rope, I think it's a chain? But still, the point stands: chains are just as bad as ropes for me. There's the additional fear that if I stick my fingers between the links they'll get stuck until I'm hanging over a chasm and then I'll fall out.

If I was in charge of this rescue I would just add myself to the people who needed to be rescued.

Quasimodo being so strong makes sense when he does this all day. Maybe I need to go work the bells somewhere.

My delusional self thinks I could slide down parapets just fine, though.

I think I could do something with chains if I am hooked into them à la Padme in Attack of the Clones (2002), as I'm not going to fall by dropping the chain. Heights aren't a problem for me, my inability to grip anything is.

So I would not pick the lock and therefore be stranded on top and therefore die. Huh...maybe that's not the best either.

Tangled (2010): 

Chance of survival: low

Look at Rapunzel! She's beauty! She's grace! She'll swing all over the place!

Meanwhile, me:

Except I wouldn't even make it that far. This one isn't rope but it's making rope look like a benefit actually, because if I can't hold on to hemp then I certainly can't hold onto glossy hair.

Up (2009): 

Chance of survival: medium

Russell is trying to climb the hose here and is struggling which means I finally have a character I can relate to. I actually have a decent chance of surviving this because the nozzle on the end means I wouldn't slip off, I'd just be in stasis, neither climbing nor falling. Although, I weigh more than a 10 year-old, so the hose may crack and break. But, like Russell, none of that helps get me up to Mr. Fredrikson's house.

I just hope I don't encounter a blimp anytime soon...

Other people's mortality rates: ....high if I'm in charge of holding the hose.

(Seriously, guys, this is the third time I've come up with a blimp example and I wasn't even trying. If the story of the Hindenburg wasn't enough to keep me away from blimps, these case studies will definitely do the job. Avoid them if you're not good with rope).

Mary Poppins Returns (2018)

Chance of survival: high

Another balloon example...and now that I think about it, blimps are a type of balloon...

I was one of those kids who needs the balloon to be tied around my wrist because I would just accidentally let go. And I know it's magic and all so I'm probably not going to die, I'm just going to be Weatherall Wilkins. I guess I would choose the wrong balloon. But hey, if I can be bicycle guy and not have to hold it myself, then I'm good!

A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Bad Beginning:

Chance of survival (book): low

Chance of survival (tv show): high

Miss you, Tim Curry </3

In the book Violet climbs a tower with a grappling hook which is very resourceful of her but also nope, I couldn't do it. She was strong from all that wood chopping and despite my also having chopped a little bit of wood in my lifetime, I would grab the rope and still die immediately and Count Olaf would win.

However! The tv show gives me a chance to live! Violent just has a little bit of a different invention.

No rope? Being strapped in? BEAUTIFUL. I need this for all these rope scenarios. 

These are the adaption changes that I am looking for in two works of art, so let's end on that high note.

What do I bring do an adventure? Can I swim or tread water? Check. 

Walk for miles? Check. 

Balance on beams? Check. 

Maybe not like that...

Hold on to rope? Absolutely not. I'm in awe of all these protagonists who are so capable when it comes to cables of all shapes and sizes.

I'm not in awe of you guys. Put the rope away, NOW, you psychopaths.

(I also have some trauma from rope, but in a fictional sense not a physical sense. From His Dark Materials, book 2, The Subtle Knife. It's not the knife that freaks me out, it's the rope. IYKYK.)

(Strangely enough, I'm not traumatized from the movie Rope (1948) at all, though. In fact, it hypes me up. In a cinematic masterpiece way and not a let's go murder people way, fyi.)

That's enough death-defying exploits for one day, so tell me what you guys think! How do you all think you would do in these circumstances? How good are you at being able to hold on to rope? What special skills do you have that would help you in adventures? Do you have a favorite training montage where a character gets better at a skill? Have you seen any of these movies? Have you ever ridden in a blimp?

Thanks for reading and stay safe!

Chloe the MovieCritic

Book Trilogy Review: A Riddle in Ruby - by Kent Davis

 Greetings, friends!

Time for my first book reviews of the year and you are getting threesome. Nicely organized how this occurred with both of my first reviews for books and movies being trilogies, eh?

These are books that Iʼve never heard of anyone else reading, and Iʼm going to try to change this! I have mixed feelings on these books, but I want other people to talk about them to. Plus, I can imagine that things in these books would make awesome fan art, so I want to see that. Iʼm giving you a dose of encouragement to try these books and let me know what you think.

Letʼs get into the reviews!

My guarantee: On ALL of my reviews there are NO spoilers unless I give you warning. All three of these reviews are spoiler free! Because of that the reviews for the second and third books will be more vague because I donʼt want to reveal what happened in the other books.

A Riddle in Ruby - by Kent Davis:

ʻNever pick a chemystral lock.ʼ

Ruby Teach is training to be a thief and picking locks is her specialty. Between cons with her mentor Gwath and sailing with her father, a smuggler and pirate, sheʼs learned a lot. Lately she keeps running into the same two suspicious characters: a young lord and his servant. The world flips when Ruby learns that people are after her, and she is forced to flee the life sheʼs always known. Organizations appear and offer help to her if she does what they want, but in this world of Tinkers creating chemystry and the reeve controlling everything, whom can she trust? What do they want with her, merely a skilled pickpocket?

Genres: Steampunk, Adventure, Fantasy, Middle Grade Fiction.

Characters: 8, weʼre just getting the characters started here and donʼt know a lot about them which can be confusing. But let me tell you, after reading the other books and looking back, good foundations are built here that will be used later even though it all seems crazy.

My favorites: The characters are so involved in every part of the story that spoilers can be easy when talking about them, but have no fear. Iʼm going an extra mile to avoid that. Iʼm just going to talk briefly about my favorites in the trilogy review as a whole. 

Words/Writing style: 10, I love this writing style. Itʼs told in past tense, third person, I think? Itʼs surprising that I claim myself to be a writer when Iʼm not the most knowledgable about this. All I know is that I love it. Ruby is the main character, but it shows different peopleʼs perspectives in a really cool way. I want to try writing like that, now!

 ʻHe had scoffed at watches and chronoms. Timepieces were for the weak.

ʻThe only true measure of time, he said, was the beauty of your heart. There was

never a maxim for that, though.ʼ

Quotability: 9, there are so many unique descriptions and dialogue that are easily quotable. I would say the lines more if I had anyone to tell them too.

ʻ...Ruby had always imagined swordplay as a thrilling dance, filled with grace and daring.

ʻThis was not a dance. It was a chicken coop on fire.ʼ

Content: 8, there is mild peril with people getting hurt in many different ways as well as death. With that are descriptions of the different wounds. At one point in time someone isnʼt wearing a shirt which is mentioned.

Some of you may be wondering, “What is this ʻchemystryʼ?” Itʼs basically as it sounds: chemistry. There is some magic involved. Even with rereading Iʼm still a little confused about it, but I thought it was really cool. Itʼs not like any of it could be recreated in real life because we are either not given the ingredients or they are fictional. Itʼs that people started learning about the wonders of science earlier than in actual history, so the setting is...steampunk. I canʼt think of a better way to describe it than that. Alternate history, perhaps?

Originality: 9, have I mentioned that the whole world is AWESOME? The plot was fun, but not particularly mind-blowing. Maybe that was because I didnʼt have a mind to be blown because it was already taken out by how astounded I am by the world and setting!

Good For: Anyone who loves steampunk, anyone looking for a circus of an adventure. 

Age Range: Itʼs categorized as Middle Grade Fiction, and I know that some people donʼt like to read that once their past the age, but I think itʼs really fun for all ages. This first book should be fine for young audiences, but 10 and up would probably enjoy it especially.

Overall Score: 8.5.

ʻAll well and good; Ruby ate devilishly complex locks for breakfast.ʼ

Thoughts:

This was the book that made me realize that I love steampunk (Iʼm sorry, you guys are probably thinking, “Stop saying that word!”). I will gobble it up! Truthfully, these books are the only steampunk that Iʼve read so far, but the concept is beyond awesome. I want to explore this genre more.

&

The Changerʼs Key - by Kent Davis:

Henry Collins is trying to decode a book that could hold unimaginable secrets while he and the others look for someone who can actually help them. All the while hiding from the ones who are out to catch them. Rubyʼs having to work hard training in new ways, while avoiding mean kids and testings by a doctor. The reeve seem to think that she has some secret, something special about her and she wonders, what is it? Can she control it?

Genres: Steampunk, Adventure, Fantasy, Middle Grade Fiction.

Characters: 8. We get to meet new characters here! So, so, so many of them. I really liked the motivations for all of them and wish that I could remember the names of some of them, because the names are awesome.

My favorites: Avid Wake needs a shout out because of that awesome name. I also loved the names of the Curtsies, but Iʼm a little confused because sometimes the girlʼs name was Never, and sometimes it was Ever. Which one is it?

Words/Writing style: 10, same as last time! To me it seemed like we got more of Cramʼs point of view which I really like because I relate to Cram in so many ways. We also got a noticable more chapters from Henryʼs perspective! I love that because I love Henry. The visuals that are built into this writing are fantastic!

Quotability: 7, this had lines that I could share but they would be out of context and very confusing. I havenʼt quoted this one in my head as much as the first one (with the chicken coop line), but it still has really good lines.

ʻThe whole of this doctoring, if it could even be called doctoring, was worthy of suspicion. In point of fact the dwelling, if it could be called a dwelling, was equally worthy of suspicion.

ʻIt was a cave with a front porch.ʼ

Content: 7, once again there is that high stakes adventure where people get hurt and sometimes killed. Kids purposely hurt each by fighting a few times, but there is talk about why that is bad. There are some medical thing in here, such as someone getting blood drawn, but itʼs not too much. At the end there is something scary that carries on through the next book, so Iʼll explain it the following review.

The quality of this one is lowered slightly because of two instances of crude humor which I did not appreciate, but other than that the first and second are pretty similar in terms of content. Same with the setting and chemystry/fantasy elements.

ʻWhy did chemystry always smell so terrible? Couldnʼt the Tinkers use their almighty skills to make their concoctions smell like rhubarb pie?ʼ

Originality: 9, again, so cool! Part of this reminded me of Spirited Away (2001), but it was only one small detail and the stories are completely different. This book is brimming with details that I want to see brought to life.

Good For: Anyone who loves steampunk, anyone looking for a circus of an adventure. This one also has an edge of mystery, so it would be good for mystery lovers!

Age Range: The stakes are more intense, so Iʼd say maybe just a little older. 12 and up. Depends on the person, though!

Overall Score: 8.

“I cannot go back in disgrace. We must go forward into madness.”

Thoughts:

Sometimes when I think about this book it seems very much like the middle book in a trilogy, where nothing much happens, but at other times it seems to me to have quite a story of its own! I like the separate stories as we focus more on the individual characters. Mostly I want to reread it!

&

The Great Unravel - by Kent Davis:

ʻThey were declaring their allegiances. They were hauling their flags up the mast.ʼ

The time has come to pick a side in this unfolding war. Doubts have been held so long about who to trust, and more bonds are broken each day but decisions have to be made. Disguises and espionage will be needed to play this dreadful game. Can the friends get together to save the people from a terrible invention? Who will win this game of chess, chemystry, and power?

Genres: Steampunk, Adventure, Fantasy, Middle Grade Fiction.

Characters: 9, extra point here because of all the growth! These characters have come so far. I absolutely loved the message of forgiveness and the quiet moments surrounding that time.

“...You observe. You guess. You open yourself to the possibility of who they might be. How they are different from you. How they are the same as you.”

Words/Writing style: 8, I have to take off a few points because some adults *cough* started swearing. It was mild and I donʼt know if most people would notice it, but I did and was annoyed. Other than that I still love the style! I wanted more of a certain point of view (I feel like he was neglected), but other than that awesome.

ʻThe smells sang to him, wrapping him in a rich song of Science...ʼ

(This writing wraps you up in the story!)

Quotability: 8, I wrote down so many parts that I couldnʼt even use them all! Pretty good. Still not as quotable as the chicken coop, but weʼll make it work.

ʻAhead of them in the hallway lay a stout wooden door, the kind of door whose makerʼs philosophy was most likely “You can have your frills and carvings. Give me something that will keep out a hungry werewolf.”ʼ

Notes: There was this really cool thing happening near the end, but it would've tied in nicely if Ruby had related it back to her training as we were in her point of view already.

Content: 6, here is where we step into a tricky area. Part of this one involves (and Iʼm sorry if this is confusing, but Iʼm avoiding spoilers while at the same time still not sure of what happened) energy being taken away from people. This is one part of this that I donʼt want to see a visual of because the description is pretty terrifying. An important note is that itʼs shown as being bad and is only used by the “bad guys”.

There is the usual of fighting, injuries, and death. Mentions of peopleʼs underclothing. One final thing that I want to talk about: the “Source”. When I read these it kind of freaked me out, but thinking back on it I think I was overreacting. Now Iʼm thinking of it as being like the Force (they do rhyme...) in STAR WARS and Iʼm cool with that. If you are bothered by that, then you might want to do a double take on these books. 

Originality: 8, did this reach a level of something scary that I had never seen before? Um, maybe. The plot was so unique, though! There is one "creature" that I was confused about for a while but as soon as it clicked I thought, "Ohhhh, that's really clever." Endings can be so difficult, but this one was good.

Notes: The quote, ʻAdventuring was starting to get to her.ʼ reminds me of a line in The Silver Chair - by C. S. Lewis.

Good For: Anyone who loves steampunk, anyone looking for a circus of an adventure. Anyone who is having trouble with forgiveness or is feeling lonely and unforgiven for something.

Age Range: As I've been mentioning scary things for all of these reviews then I'm going to say this one is more PG-13. As always, it depends on each person!

Overall Score: 8.

Thoughts:

Well, it's the end of a wild ride! I had no idea how everything was going to be wrapped up, but I was satisfied. 

A Riddle in Ruby overall trilogy review:

Words/Writing style: 9.5. Quotability: 8. Content: 7. Originality: 8.5.

Characters: 8.5. My favorites: Of course my favorites are our four main characters:

Aruba Teach: She's a fun and spunky heroine! She has a few stereotypes, but I really liked seeing her struggles and figuring out how to overcome them.

ʻWhat choice did Ruby have? It was simple. And insufferably hard.ʼ

Words to describe these next three: 'Skill, resilience, and courage.':

Henry Collins: I love Henry! He's so sweet and caring and brave while thirsting for knowledge.

Cram Cramson: I hardcore relate to him. I don't even particularly know why, but I do. I love a good sidekick. 

ʻHe wasnʼt a complainer. He could hear Mam in his head: “Moaners never get the pie, boy, and more, they always end up scrubbing the pan.”ʼ

Lord Athen Doyle: I have a sinking feeling that there was some kind of agenda with this character that I'm too dense to see, but nevertheless I liked this character and thought that he had one of the strongest arcs.

There are a lot others who I really like, or heavily dislike, or am extremely conflicted on, but Iʼll leave you to find out about them.

Age Range: The action builds as these books to on, so they are good for growing kids. Even adults or young adults could like them, like I do. (Because I honestly don't know how old these people are. More on that in a minute).

Overall Score: 8.5!

Worth reading?:  Yes, for my introduction to steampunk! Also for the matters of forgiveness in the third book. It was beautiful! All around a fun time that I'm glad I've experienced.

Will I read again?: Rereading books is a very rare activity for me, but I'm going to say yes. If only to better understand them and be in the setting again.

Bonus thoughts: 

This trilogy is...pretty awesome. A few extra things:

Things I donʼt like:

• Something that bothered me the whole time is that we never really knew how old everyone is. Maybe it mentioned it and I just didnʼt catch it, but it was weird to me. At the beginning of the first book Iʼm guessing that Ruby is about 12 (give or take a year), but Iʼm really not sure about any of the others. Theyʼre on the young side but thatʼs a big range and I donʼt know any more than that.
• Doyle's and Greta Van Huffridge's relationship to each other was a little weird. I don't knew what to think about it. The hatred seemed to be so weakly founded? I'm confused. Maybe after I read it again I'll get it more.

Things I do like:

• As I have mentioned in all of these reviews, the writing style is awesome. Another neat thing about these books is that before each chapter there is a "quote" or statement from someone or something in this world. I've seen this before and I really like it because it gives you a more immersive experience.
• I've mentioned this so many times, but once more for good measure: STEAMPUNK. THE SETTING. THE WRITING. I am thoroughly in awe.

I read the first book in this series when it first came out...and was so confused. I reread it last July so I could read the other two books and even with having read it before I was still puzzled, but I began putting things together and admiring the world building. The next two books were great as well and I can see myself reading them each several times to truly solve them.

And I'm done! If any of you have read these books, let me know! And if you haven't, please do so I have someone to talk to! I need a second opinion!

Thanks for reading! Does anyone else like steampunk as much as I do? Any recommendations?

MovieCritic